A Glimpse of the Soul
by theunknownvoice
Summary: He can't live without her.  He's already died to protect her once and his soul sought hers agains tall odds.  He won't be without her again because life has no meaning if Rukia isn't there.


A Glimpse of the Soul

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

_A/N: I know that this isn't a popular theory and that it has been proven wrong by most of the Hueco Mundo Arc but I always liked the idea since I ship both KaiRuki and IchiRuki._

Ichigo sat up late at night frustrated once again. His dreams were full of Shirosaki's constant laughing and then there were the images, images of a life he should know nothing of.

"_The Soutaicho told me that we're getting a new squad member today."_

_He barely glanced up from his hated paperwork. "I read the report, captain. Kuchiki Rukia. She looks exactly like Hisana."_

"_You don't sound too happy about it. Cookie?"_

_He shook his head. Behind that soft exterior Utitake knew when his subordinates were upset and his lieutenant had never been good at hiding it. Everything was readable in the young man's face and the way his hands were clenching right now…._

"_It's Byakuya. I don't know why he suddenly decided to adopt someone into his clan."_

"_So the adoption bothers you?" Utitake asked surprised._

"_No. It's the fact that's it's Byakuya. He must have some ulterior motive. The Kuchiki couldn't even accept Hisana and now he brings a lookalike into their house and they-"_

_He shook in anger at Byakuya's stupidity. The Kuchiki and their age old demand of following the oldest and most archaic of clan rules would never accept someone from the Rukongai. _

_The Shiba had never been that way and many had seen that as the cause of their decline but he knew better. To be a noble house and rooted out into the Rukongai with the other souls wasn't degrading. It was a privilege. The Sereitei was too concerned with protecting itself to understand the people of the Rukongai. No, Kaien had reasoned long ago that there must be something beyond Soul Society for what type of heaven would allow people to starve?_

_Still it wasn't the cold nature of the Kuchiki clan to caused Kaien to look at the adoption with skepticism. Rather it was the eerie similarities between Rukia and Hisana that were driving him mad. He had met Hisana at clan functions and while he couldn't see anything extraordinary about Byakuya's wife he recognized that she was kind. Byakuya was still the same cold-hearted boy who had only grown into a cold-hearted man. His icy indifference had led to many of the former members of squad six transferring out for their last captain had been warm. Byakuya was the icy prince in a distant tower unable to see what stood in front of him. He expected too much from those around him looking for their weaknesses and manipulating them by those traits. Only in Hisana had he known love and this new child—Kaien clenched his fist tighter._

"_She'll need a friend. The others won't understand."_

_The plea wasn't lost on Kaien. "I won't leave her alone."_

Ichigo sat alone on the roof his long legs spread out. Three months without her and he still felt that undeniable ache that he was missing something vital. It was much like the day she had disappeared. This world was no longer his home but an alien place. His own family were strangers that he no longer recognized or cared to feel connected with. He needed her here next to him. Why had he not argued with her to stay with?

Rukia. He needed Rukia and to admit that was to admit to being weak. To admit that he Kurosaki Ichigo had needed someone or something. He had been fiercely independent ever since his mother's death and the bonds with other people while cherished were not a predominate part of his life. Now it was different. He had been cast adrift alone and his only friend, ally, precious person, was taken by the enemy.

Unwillingly Ichigo's eyes closed.

_His body stiffened as he glanced at Utitake. His captain didn't know. Kaien breathed a sigh of relief. His feelings for his wife had diminished recently._

_Miyako…she had been an earlier love. His heart had reacted to her kindness and her sense of laughter. It had responded and since he had told that his marriage must happen and happen soon, Miyako had seemed a good choice._

**She made you happy for a while, **Nejibana said in his slow tones.

_**Why didn't you warn me?**_

**As if you would've listen. You've always been too rash, Kaien. You are not like the water you control. Instead you think with your feelings.**

_**I'm strong because of my emotions. YOU KNOW THAT!**_

Nejibana sighed sadly. **If you had only waited. You know now that she is yours Kaien. She is the other piece. She the thing that will make our world stop raining.**

_Months later, he would remember this as he felt the guilt of Miyako's death. His wife was gone but he didn't want her back. No, in the darkest recesses of his heart he was glad Miyako was gone. He watched his little Kuchiki._

_From the moment she had entered his life Rukia had consumed him. He had taken her out the pond and sat with her. Never had he crossed the line of loyal husband. Never had he surcumbed to his own temptation for her. He knew she loved him._

"_Kaien-dono?"_

_He was scaring her now. His single-mindedness to avenge Miyako terrifed her. If only she knew that he was doing this so that Miyako would no longer hang between them as a specter._

_Rukia, she followed him with absolute trust. Did she know that deep in his heart she had carved at her own place? That owned part of his soul._

_He had been so blind by his need to end this. His need to destroy the tangled up love-triangle he found himself caught. Rukia. He loved Rukia._

_The hollow laughed as it clawed at his insides. It saw the truth of him. "You love me, don't you?" it taunted her._

_He felt her blade go through him as he aimed himself. He couldn't hurt her. He couldn't destroy this one being whom he loved without all reasoning. He could see the blood on her face, and feel her tears. She would carry this grief for this rest of her life. His brave little Kuchiki would mourn him long after he was a memory._

_**Nejibana?**_

**What Kaien?**

_**Will I find Rukia again?**_

**In the next life. Wait for her in the next life.**

"_Thank You Rukia. I can leave my heart behind."_

_As he died he thought he had never heard anything more beautiful than his name from lips. _

_Her screams echoed through the cold night. Her voice carrying like an unexpected current._

He had been cast adrift alone and his only ally, friend, was taken by the enemy.

Now he knew different. Soul Society wasn't the enemy—at least not every member of Soul Society. He could value people like Renji and Toshiro and understand the insane intensity of Kenpachi and Soi Foi but there was person who wasn't a member of the treacherous trio that Ichigo didn't like.

He would never be able to stand Byakuya Kuchiki. Rukia had never mentioned her life as a soul reaper before so he did not know how her brother truly treated her. All he could feel was this unreasonable hatred for the man that wouldn't be calmed or quieted. Byakuya Kuchiki was arrogant, skilled and cold. He had always been that way Ichigo was sure. A snide child talented but incapable of feeling affection for anyone. A person who had allowed his little sister to rot in the Gotei 13 alone and friendless. Someone who hadn't even taken the time to train her himself but instead expected perfection from her when he had pulled her out of the academy.

Ichigo rubbed his throbbing head. Rukia—why hadn't she come with him? Could they be the same as they had always been.

"Ichigo?"

Orihime Inoue. He knew her voice as well as his own but he didn't care to answer her. He had been drowning and Shirosaki was laughing in the rain of his inner world. His zanpakto wouldn't speak to him and his dreams had been full of rain and death and Rukia.

"Hi, Orihime."

Her face feel at his casual way of greeting her. "What's wrong Kurosaki-kun?"

"Nothing."

Orihime could feel the anger growing in her. She wasn't normally angry but lately she had been having dreams. A hollow had been stalking her in her nightmares he killed and then he used her body to lead someone she loved into a trap. Deep inside she could hear the voice of her past speak up.

"You always were a terrible liar Kaien."

Ichigo flinched at the cold familiar voice.

"You loved her even then. Don't think I was a fool not to notice."

"Go home, Miyako. Forget this." It was Ichigo's lips but Kaien's voice. For a moment Orihime looked confused but the confusion passed.

"Kaien," Miyako's voice answered desperately as Orihime spoke.

But there was no sympathy. "We were not to be. A mistake made because I got tired of waiting for the right person to come. I should've waited."

"How dare you," she countered. "I loved you and in death I sought your soul—"

"But my soul belongs to her."

"She is nothing. A fixation."

"Explain then how I found her. I died for her forcing myself on that zanpakto so that I wouldn't hurt her. She was so young and I hid it. I hid how I felt pretending to be a mentor, a brother figure while I knew that with one flick of her wrist she could tell me to do something and I would do it."

"You cannot believe…"

On Orihime's features Miyako's sadness looked foreign. He felt his heart jerk for a moment. He had cared deeply for his wife. She had been his friend long before he caved into the fact she loved him. No one had ever loved him before she came. She had made him feel valuable as something other than a Shiba. Miyako only saw him, Kaien.

"Goodbye Miyako."

The tears welled in Orihime's eyes. "Kaien, you—"

"I need her. I need her or my life has no meaning. Before with you I though I knew what love was but I only knew a pale reflection of true emotion."

"Damn you, Kaien! I loved you."

"And for a time I thought I loved you too.

Orihime fell into his arms as Miyako released her control. "Kurosaki-kun?" she murmered.

"It's alright Inoue-san. You seem tired."

"Must have been the bean paste and taffy flavored rice I made. It tasted a little funny."

Ichigo scrunched up his noise as Kaien retreated back into him. "That sounds interesting Inoue."

"It's delicious!"

Horus later, Ichigo laid on his bed trying not to think of what happened. He knew now without a shadow of a doubt he was Kaien. The memories of the Shiba clan ran through his brain. He could see a young Kohaku blowing up her first fireworks. Her face was streaked with ashes and she grinned at him like a maniac. Ganju had always followed him around as if he made the world turn by smiling.

Miyako. He could see her in wedding kimono. She smiled at him as he said the words that would tie them together.

Rukia. It seemed as if all he had ever known as Kaien Shiba was Rukia. He could see her fear when she first arrived in his squad. He terrified her with his loud voice and brash personality. He could feel her smiling against the sunlight as they sat at the pond. He had needed her to be around him so badly then. She would smile at him and whisper his name.

Rukia with the wooden practice sword in her hand. Rukia showing him the first of her dance. Rukia smiling at him she thought he wasn't looking. The feel of her hands as he positioned her fingers on her hilt. The intensity of her kidou as she showed him a new move.

"Hey you big lump, don't you have any patrolling to do?"

She kicked him right in the face.

"I'll get you for that Rukia! I thought you were staying in Soul Society."

She grinned at him a devilish light in her violet eyes. "They think you need a babysitter so here I am."

He tried not to grin at her. Instead he scowled but internally he was happy. She was back where she belonged.

It was three weeks later and little had changed. Except now Rukia openly lived in his house and shared a room with Yuzu and Karin. He wanted to strangle her for getting herself locked up with them.

"Ichigo?"

He tried not to grin. She had found her way back into his old closet after all.

"What is it midget?"

She glared at him. "I missed you when I was gone."

He smiled softly. "I missed you too, Rukia."

Weeks later when the first of the arrancars attacked he heard. He had been stupid underestimating Grimmjow and now he was bleeding badly on the pavement.

"ICHIGO!"

Her voice like that night so many years ago in the rain echoed through him.

"Baka don't you die on me. You hear me Ichigo! DON'T YOU DIE ON ME YOU BLOODY BASTARD!"

He smiled at her as the blood continued pouring.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY! I LOVE YOU. DON'T YOU DARE DIE, BAKA."

"If I die Rukia at least my heart is with," he whispered.

Her violet eyes clouded. "W-what did you say?"

"My heart, it will stay with you like it did last time."

"Kaien?"

Ichigo hurt so bad but he needed to tell her. The words needed to be spoken now or he might never have the chance again. "I died Rukia. I died and all I could think was God let me find her again. I looked for you everywhere and just when I had given up there you were. You were like some angel. I love you, Rukia. And if I die as Ichigo Kurosaki I want you to know I love you."

When he woke and saw her sleeping in the chair next to his hospital bed, he knew it was all worth it. He couldn't live without Rukia. He never would. As he watched her wake to the word and kissed her forehead he knew this one truth: he would never again be alone.

As Kaien Shiba, he had been surrounded by people. He had hated empty rooms and rarely kept one person company preferring the crowd. As Ichigo Kurosaki, there had been a solitude, the position of the loner. He had been searching for that one person, that one connection.

He felt Rukia stir. She loved him. Whether she admitted it out loud or only showed affection in private she loved HIM. There was no other. There never would be.

He stared at Rukia and her violet eyes met his back. It was there. The connection was still strong as it had been before. It wouldn't fade.

He had loved both times as Kaien Shiba, as Ichigo Kurosaki and his soul had waited for hers.

The End


End file.
